My long runs are one of my favorite and least favorite parts of the week. I love them because I always see cool stuff. I loath them because...I mean...come on, who wants to run for 3+ hours? You get sore, you get tired.
In all honesty, I am a person who actually does want to go out and run for hours, but the thought of it before I'm actually out there scares me. I have this idea that if I run too far, it's going to be too hard. I make up all kinds of worries that make me not want to go out. I worry that I won't make it. I worry that it will hurt too bad. I worry that I'll have to walk, which I feel like is defeat. I worry that I'll hit a mental "wall" and start crying. I worry that despite packing two liters of water and food I won't have anything to drink or eat. I worry I'll get hurt. I worry about things I have entirely made up in my head. The truth is I just psych myself out.
Somehow despite all of this I still manage to go out there and "just do it", as Nike would say. And wouldn't you know, that I made it. I did it. I completed what I started out to do. I did it yesterday, the week before, last month, last year, the first time I ran a marathon, the first time I pulled a 2k race in crew, the first time I scored a goal in rec soccer, the first time I rode a bike. The point is everything I've ever thought too hard, hasn't been. I've found myself these last few weeks coming home from my runs asking myself, "So, which part was so hard and scary?" The answer is that this part didn't exist. It was made up in my head, in reality what I did was tough, but no tougher than anything I'd done before.
I have been told, and strongly agree, that running is a metaphor for life; all sport is, really. The metaphor became really clear when I set my running experience up against my Peace Corps experience. Take the following situations:
When you're running a marathon you're nervous. You have doubts. There are many unknowns. You're try to be as ready as you can, but you usually still feel like a little more preparation would make you feel better. There's usually a moment you feel like scrapping the whole thing. And then the gun sounds, a rush of adrenaline sweeps over you and you're off. One foot in front of the other and you're on your way. All the sudden you're halfway done, and it's not that bad. You're 5 miles from the end, it's hard, but not impossible. You think you will never make it to Mile 22. Then you're 2 miles from the finish. Who would give up here? That's crazy. You can do it. You concentrate, and you do. You're done. You're tired, you're sore. It was a struggle, no doubt, maybe you even cried (like I have a couple times), you may have even walked a bit (which is NOT defeat), but you made it. And now you're sitting there wondering what ever make you think you couldn't do it.
I liken this to my Peace Corps experience. I'm here. I worry that I'm not prepared enough, that I can't don't my job well, that I won't make an impact. I'm moving step by step. One day, one week at a time. I finish one project and it's ... successful, (it's like a few miles). My other projects are going along, (I'm moving along on the course). I don't think anyone will show up, but they do (I didn't think I could make 2 more miles but I did). I don't think anyone will learn anything, but I have an adult English class saying "Holy Cow!", that's something (I get a feel-good rush where I thought I'd be exhausted). It gets hard, I get frustrated, sometimes I don't know what to do or where to go next (I hit a "wall" and cry, maybe walk a little bit). But, I'm doing it. However slowly, however uniquely I'm doing my best to do something good.
I know two years will pass and I'll look back and ask myself, "So, which part was so hard and scary?", and there won't be one. There will only be the ups and downs that make any good thing worth it.
*Addendum: This was written while in a particularly good mood. Please remind me to go back and read it when I'm upset.
6/27/2011
6/20/2011
North Face 40k
On July 24th I'm going to be running in this event with a few friends. I'm gonna do the 40k, a couple guys are doing the 20k and a couple girls are doing the 10k. I'm pretty excited about it, though it looks kinda tough it should be fun.
Check out the website: http://www.costaricarace.com/challenge_irazu_ingles_trail
Check out the website: http://www.costaricarace.com/challenge_irazu_ingles_trail
Some things are a little different
Many of the things I share on my blog are surprisingly normal and quite unremarkable . I got to thinking about my life here and realized that in so many ways it is like my life in the United States. I am able to keep up my exercise/hobbies of running and biking, I eat pretty normal foods, I go to work, I hang out with my (host) family. The more I thought about it, though, I realized it only feels normal because I'm used to it. After my 9 months here there are many things that don't strike me as different anymore. I realized if any of my friends or family members from the U.S. were here these things would be confusing, baffling, uncomfortable or just plain weird. I started making a mental list of difference I found, and here it is:
You eat rice and beans at breakfast lunch and dinner. (I personally don't because I choose to buy my own breakfast food: granola and yogurt; for dinner I usually eat eggs, salad or fruit.)
The big meal of the day is lunch. Many people, especially in rural communities go home and eat with their families.
A hamburger or steak is a completely normal, acceptable breakfast.
Cookies, cakes, sweetbreads, cinnamon rolls and all other pastries are called bread. Bread is also called bread. Any of the above are acceptable for breakfast or to eat during coffee hour. Sugar cookies decorated with colored frosting for breakfast? Sounds weird, but it's "bread".
You don't refrigerate eggs.
The oven isn't used a lot. Many houses don't even have ovens. For those who do have one, it is primarily used to store things (food, pots and pans). Check inside before firing it up, I learned from experience.
Mayonaise is by far the most popular condiment. It is used on everything. Vegetables, salad, sandwiches, even fish.
Ketchup is the second favorite condiment. Often used in combination with mayo it also goes on everything. Ketchup here tastes different than American ketchup.
Salt is used a lot to season food, but no one uses black pepper.
Most people eat their meals with a large spoon, not a fork.
Almost all yogurt is liquid. Except for Yoplait brand all yogurt comes in bottles and is drinkable.
Coffee in the afternoon is a cultural tradition. "Cafecito", as it's called, is usually between 3 and 4 pm.
Potato chips are often eaten with re-fried beans.
When you drink soda or beer you are given a glass with ice and you just poor about a half a glass at a time. This is so it doesn't get warm. If you just drink it from the bottle it gets warm really fast.
Many homes don't have a hot shower. Those that do have an electric showerhead that heats the water.
You always throw your toilet paper into the trash can, not the toilet. The sewer system can't handle paper.
It is common to shower 2 or more times a day. Mostly becuase you get so darn sweaty. You also should not skip a shower after working out, very much against cultural norms.
People brush their teeth at least 3 times a day. Teachers and students at school all carry toothbrushes with them for after lunch.
It is common to have walls that are made out of cinder block or part of a wall that consists only of lattice; a house with walls that are "open" is not uncommon at all.
Floors are either cement or tile in most houses. I have not seen a single house with carpet or wood. (I think wood would warp.)
Electricity is considered the most expensive utility.
High school, which is 7th to 12th grade, starts at 7am and goes until 4:30
Elementary students (1st-6th) go to school either in the morning or the afternoon, alternating every week. They go either 7 to 12:30 or 12:30 to 5.
There are no school sports teams or musical groups. The only exception is if your school has a marching band.
There are gates in front of the school and a guard who has to let you in.
The school is not one big building, but many with outdoor hallways.
There are dogs who live on or around the school grounds and wander around all day, sometimes coming into the classrooms.
The most common form of transportation is the bus. The buses that run outside of the bigger cities are, depending on your location, old school buses, old charter buses, old city buses or if your lucky a new version of any of the above.
The going rate for the bus is about $1.50 for every hour of travel.
A person can get a driver's license at age 18.
The legal drinking age is 18.
Roosters and hens are literally all over the place. In the country or in town.
Supermarkets carry a few fruits and vegetables, most people buy them at shops and stands that specialize in fruits or vegetables.
Women almost always have a pedicure on their toes. Fancily painted with flowers and other designs.
Women wear high heels a lot, even if there are no paved roads where they are.
Soccer is the one any only sport anyone cares about.
People here use umbrellas whenever it's raining, not raincoats. The only people who have raincoats are men who ride motorcycles, for riding in the rain.
Motorcycles here often carry 2 to 4 grown men. It is also acceptable to carry babies and small children on motorcycles. They usually sit in front of the driver, or the mom holds the baby on the back.
So, that's quite a list. I'll keep noting them. It's kind of funny to think about what I don't even notice anymore.
Food/Kitchen Stuff
You eat rice and beans at breakfast lunch and dinner. (I personally don't because I choose to buy my own breakfast food: granola and yogurt; for dinner I usually eat eggs, salad or fruit.)
The big meal of the day is lunch. Many people, especially in rural communities go home and eat with their families.
A hamburger or steak is a completely normal, acceptable breakfast.
Cookies, cakes, sweetbreads, cinnamon rolls and all other pastries are called bread. Bread is also called bread. Any of the above are acceptable for breakfast or to eat during coffee hour. Sugar cookies decorated with colored frosting for breakfast? Sounds weird, but it's "bread".
You don't refrigerate eggs.
The oven isn't used a lot. Many houses don't even have ovens. For those who do have one, it is primarily used to store things (food, pots and pans). Check inside before firing it up, I learned from experience.
Mayonaise is by far the most popular condiment. It is used on everything. Vegetables, salad, sandwiches, even fish.
Ketchup is the second favorite condiment. Often used in combination with mayo it also goes on everything. Ketchup here tastes different than American ketchup.
Salt is used a lot to season food, but no one uses black pepper.
Most people eat their meals with a large spoon, not a fork.
Almost all yogurt is liquid. Except for Yoplait brand all yogurt comes in bottles and is drinkable.
Coffee in the afternoon is a cultural tradition. "Cafecito", as it's called, is usually between 3 and 4 pm.
Potato chips are often eaten with re-fried beans.
When you drink soda or beer you are given a glass with ice and you just poor about a half a glass at a time. This is so it doesn't get warm. If you just drink it from the bottle it gets warm really fast.
Around the house
Many homes don't have a hot shower. Those that do have an electric showerhead that heats the water.
You always throw your toilet paper into the trash can, not the toilet. The sewer system can't handle paper.
It is common to shower 2 or more times a day. Mostly becuase you get so darn sweaty. You also should not skip a shower after working out, very much against cultural norms.
People brush their teeth at least 3 times a day. Teachers and students at school all carry toothbrushes with them for after lunch.
It is common to have walls that are made out of cinder block or part of a wall that consists only of lattice; a house with walls that are "open" is not uncommon at all.
Floors are either cement or tile in most houses. I have not seen a single house with carpet or wood. (I think wood would warp.)
Electricity is considered the most expensive utility.
Around town
High school, which is 7th to 12th grade, starts at 7am and goes until 4:30
Elementary students (1st-6th) go to school either in the morning or the afternoon, alternating every week. They go either 7 to 12:30 or 12:30 to 5.
There are no school sports teams or musical groups. The only exception is if your school has a marching band.
There are gates in front of the school and a guard who has to let you in.
The school is not one big building, but many with outdoor hallways.
There are dogs who live on or around the school grounds and wander around all day, sometimes coming into the classrooms.
The most common form of transportation is the bus. The buses that run outside of the bigger cities are, depending on your location, old school buses, old charter buses, old city buses or if your lucky a new version of any of the above.
The going rate for the bus is about $1.50 for every hour of travel.
A person can get a driver's license at age 18.
The legal drinking age is 18.
Roosters and hens are literally all over the place. In the country or in town.
Supermarkets carry a few fruits and vegetables, most people buy them at shops and stands that specialize in fruits or vegetables.
Women almost always have a pedicure on their toes. Fancily painted with flowers and other designs.
Women wear high heels a lot, even if there are no paved roads where they are.
Soccer is the one any only sport anyone cares about.
People here use umbrellas whenever it's raining, not raincoats. The only people who have raincoats are men who ride motorcycles, for riding in the rain.
Motorcycles here often carry 2 to 4 grown men. It is also acceptable to carry babies and small children on motorcycles. They usually sit in front of the driver, or the mom holds the baby on the back.
So, that's quite a list. I'll keep noting them. It's kind of funny to think about what I don't even notice anymore.
6/12/2011
I'm totally fine...most of the time
I have to be honest with you about this last week. It was really hard. The first few days of this past week were probably some of the hardest days I've had since I've been here. Of course there was the challenging adjustment period at first that was difficult just becuase of the nature of it, but once I got past that I felt like I was kind of getting the hang of this whole thing, however unpredictable, up and down, and crazy it can be. That's what I thought...until last Sunday. I'm not really sure what got me feeling down, but on the day that marked 8 months of me being here I started feeling homesick, missing my friends, not wanting to be here, not knowing what I was doing or why.
It all really started with my iPod. It sounds ridiculous, my iPod started being all crazy and it made me sad. What a silly story. But really though, last Sunday morning I woke up early all ready to put some podcasts on my iPod and head out for a long run in my frog shoes, and the iPod wouldn't cooperate. I decided when it started working I'd take off. It didn't start working, it says it needs to be restored on a different computer or something, who knows..., but the longer I waited, little by little my mood fell, and within a few hours I had decided I just plain didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to run, I didn't want to call a friend to cheer me up, I didn't want to do some yoga, I didn't want more coffee. I just plain wasn't happy about anything.
I decided I was gonna shake it off though. 'I'm smarter than this feeling,' I thought, 'I know what's going on and I am not going to let this happen. I'm gonna get out there, run, and when I come back I'll feel all better.' And off I went. It was a spectacular run. I went up, and up, and up the hills just by my town. The high I got the cooler it got, the greener it got, the friendlier the people got and the fresher the air was. My 6 miles up took me just to the top of a psuedo-mountain, being from the West anything that's not the Rockies or the Sawtooths isn't really a mountain, and I could see everything. I was surrounded by Cyprus trees, I was all alone and very proud of how far I'd some. 'See,' I thought, 'you can do it. Some fresh air, a few, getting out of the house. You're ok.' I ran back down in my "duck not sure how to use her feet" fashion but arrived home to... the same sad feeling.
I thought I'd kicked it, usually the endorphins do the job, but not today. So I showered and decided I knew the trick. I was going to go to the 'big' city about an hour from me, where there's a movie theater and see a movie. Perfect. I got my things and headed to the bus stop. I bus had passed earlier than usual. Tried for the next one. Turns out that one doesn't run Sundays. Next one then. Well, it was 30 minutes late. I was too late to catch the movie. Things like this, that could infuriate me, really don't phase me anymore so I just headed back to the house. I watched a movie on TV with my family and told myself that at least I tried, and tried to tune into the big part of me actively working against my sadness.
That night my family went out for dinner, my little sister told me I looked nice, which is big coming from a little girl who always says, "Looks like you're all ready except for doing your hair." I respond, "Nope, already did it. Ready to go." She assesses me and says, "Ooooh. Ok. You mean...oh... right." So that was nice, but either way I sat through dinner not saying much and just couldn't quite kick the little sadness monster in my head.
Monday rolled around and more of the same. I went to school even thought I didn't want too. Did my work. Came home, did some yoga. Congratulated myself on actively working to feel better, but the endorphin high lasted only about 5 minutes.
Tuesday the story hadn't changed. I didn't want to go to school, but I did. After school I strapped on the running shoes on and climbed another hill. Looked around. Took a few deep breaths. Thanked the powers that be for my health and the opportunity to be where I am, and told myself if my life wasn't something to be happy about, I didn't know what was. Came down. Then sun set. Things were alright...I guess.
Wednesday, I had only a few plans, a couple meetings with teachers then my English conversation group. Teacher meetings were good, except that I was told that we don't have time for my "games" in classes. Conversation group was fine, except that it was non-existent. It consisted of me sitting with a newspaper and a cup of coffee watching the high school students I hold the group for, walk past the front door of the meeting spot and on to play video games or whatever else they do. So really it was a disheartening day. I know this is all part of the experience. I can plan the best lessons, work hard to organize things and care with all my heart about what I'm doing, but that doesn't mean the people here get it or value these things like I do. Such is life, but that does me especially no good as the little sadness monster settles into his new home in my head.
And so it went, into Thursday, then to Friday. Almost at the point of despair, or at least a few tears, enter stage life: The saving grace of all of this. Friday I went to San Jose. Finally, a breath of fresh air. I headed into town early in the morning because that afternoon I had a lunch date with a young lawyer with whom I have been in contact because of an event at which her firm had invited me to speak. I met her downtown and had a delicious vegetarian sandwich on a lovely patio at a fancy hotel with a live piano player. I'll tell you, that was just what I needed. I followed this with a good cup of coffee, a great conversation with my Peace Corps "boss", a game of indoor soccer with some volunteers and Peace Corps staff, a Greek gyro and a Wendy's frosty. Things turned around my friends. The rest of the weekend I spent in San Jose, because of the said event with the law firm, and took in, with relief, the change of scenery.
As much as I feel at home in my rural town, with my family, in my school. There is a lot to be said for familiarity. Speaking English. Eating delicious food that has no rice or beans. Talking about ideas that are bigger than the weather.
More than anything, I learned this week that when I feel this way I just need a little charge for my batteries, a little movin' and shakin'. Fortunately I got just that. I'll tell you all about the thing I was doing in San Jose later this week when I get the pictures, because that was pretty cool, too.
It all really started with my iPod. It sounds ridiculous, my iPod started being all crazy and it made me sad. What a silly story. But really though, last Sunday morning I woke up early all ready to put some podcasts on my iPod and head out for a long run in my frog shoes, and the iPod wouldn't cooperate. I decided when it started working I'd take off. It didn't start working, it says it needs to be restored on a different computer or something, who knows..., but the longer I waited, little by little my mood fell, and within a few hours I had decided I just plain didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to run, I didn't want to call a friend to cheer me up, I didn't want to do some yoga, I didn't want more coffee. I just plain wasn't happy about anything.
I decided I was gonna shake it off though. 'I'm smarter than this feeling,' I thought, 'I know what's going on and I am not going to let this happen. I'm gonna get out there, run, and when I come back I'll feel all better.' And off I went. It was a spectacular run. I went up, and up, and up the hills just by my town. The high I got the cooler it got, the greener it got, the friendlier the people got and the fresher the air was. My 6 miles up took me just to the top of a psuedo-mountain, being from the West anything that's not the Rockies or the Sawtooths isn't really a mountain, and I could see everything. I was surrounded by Cyprus trees, I was all alone and very proud of how far I'd some. 'See,' I thought, 'you can do it. Some fresh air, a few, getting out of the house. You're ok.' I ran back down in my "duck not sure how to use her feet" fashion but arrived home to... the same sad feeling.
I thought I'd kicked it, usually the endorphins do the job, but not today. So I showered and decided I knew the trick. I was going to go to the 'big' city about an hour from me, where there's a movie theater and see a movie. Perfect. I got my things and headed to the bus stop. I bus had passed earlier than usual. Tried for the next one. Turns out that one doesn't run Sundays. Next one then. Well, it was 30 minutes late. I was too late to catch the movie. Things like this, that could infuriate me, really don't phase me anymore so I just headed back to the house. I watched a movie on TV with my family and told myself that at least I tried, and tried to tune into the big part of me actively working against my sadness.
That night my family went out for dinner, my little sister told me I looked nice, which is big coming from a little girl who always says, "Looks like you're all ready except for doing your hair." I respond, "Nope, already did it. Ready to go." She assesses me and says, "Ooooh. Ok. You mean...oh... right." So that was nice, but either way I sat through dinner not saying much and just couldn't quite kick the little sadness monster in my head.
Monday rolled around and more of the same. I went to school even thought I didn't want too. Did my work. Came home, did some yoga. Congratulated myself on actively working to feel better, but the endorphin high lasted only about 5 minutes.
Tuesday the story hadn't changed. I didn't want to go to school, but I did. After school I strapped on the running shoes on and climbed another hill. Looked around. Took a few deep breaths. Thanked the powers that be for my health and the opportunity to be where I am, and told myself if my life wasn't something to be happy about, I didn't know what was. Came down. Then sun set. Things were alright...I guess.
Wednesday, I had only a few plans, a couple meetings with teachers then my English conversation group. Teacher meetings were good, except that I was told that we don't have time for my "games" in classes. Conversation group was fine, except that it was non-existent. It consisted of me sitting with a newspaper and a cup of coffee watching the high school students I hold the group for, walk past the front door of the meeting spot and on to play video games or whatever else they do. So really it was a disheartening day. I know this is all part of the experience. I can plan the best lessons, work hard to organize things and care with all my heart about what I'm doing, but that doesn't mean the people here get it or value these things like I do. Such is life, but that does me especially no good as the little sadness monster settles into his new home in my head.
And so it went, into Thursday, then to Friday. Almost at the point of despair, or at least a few tears, enter stage life: The saving grace of all of this. Friday I went to San Jose. Finally, a breath of fresh air. I headed into town early in the morning because that afternoon I had a lunch date with a young lawyer with whom I have been in contact because of an event at which her firm had invited me to speak. I met her downtown and had a delicious vegetarian sandwich on a lovely patio at a fancy hotel with a live piano player. I'll tell you, that was just what I needed. I followed this with a good cup of coffee, a great conversation with my Peace Corps "boss", a game of indoor soccer with some volunteers and Peace Corps staff, a Greek gyro and a Wendy's frosty. Things turned around my friends. The rest of the weekend I spent in San Jose, because of the said event with the law firm, and took in, with relief, the change of scenery.
As much as I feel at home in my rural town, with my family, in my school. There is a lot to be said for familiarity. Speaking English. Eating delicious food that has no rice or beans. Talking about ideas that are bigger than the weather.
More than anything, I learned this week that when I feel this way I just need a little charge for my batteries, a little movin' and shakin'. Fortunately I got just that. I'll tell you all about the thing I was doing in San Jose later this week when I get the pictures, because that was pretty cool, too.
6/07/2011
Coco and the Amphibian Feet
I wish this post was actually a really great piece of short fiction, alas it is not. I'm sorry, because it's really is a great title. What it's really about though, is the cake that I made this weekend and my new shoes. Not nearly as cool as a scaly river creature from the warm, deep tropical rivers of Costa Rica and the mysterious tracks he's leaving all over the place... hahaha.
So, Coco was the name of the dog cake my little sister and I made on Saturday. For Easter I got a care package from home filled with Easter candy (yum!) and cake decorating stuff. I was really excited about this and told Camila we could make a cake in the form of anything we wanted. She LOVES dogs, so naturally we made a dog that looked just like one of the 6+ little critters that live in our yard. As if we needed another one. It was cute though, and it tasted pretty good. Orange pound cake with chocolate frosting.
The amphibian feet are not those of a real amphibian, but my feet. I don't think I qualify as an amphibian despite the fact that I love water. There is really no relation at all between my new shoes and amphibians, but since the first time I saw the Vibram Fivefinger Shoes I thought they looked like dinosaur/frog/lizard/monster feet. While the colors and styles have been updated (they were originally only available in army green, black and brown) they still look like monster feet. No question about it. I ordered the shoes because my running shoes we're about done and I really wanted to give the "barefoot" running thing a try. So far, I like them. The feeling of running almost barefoot is really freeing, although I feel like I am forgetting something when I step out for a run. It's a weird naked feeling at first, but after a little getting used to, it's cool. I've been out a few times in them and feel like I've mastered going up hills in them, but going down I still feel like a duck who doesn't quite know how to use her flipper feet.
So, Coco was the name of the dog cake my little sister and I made on Saturday. For Easter I got a care package from home filled with Easter candy (yum!) and cake decorating stuff. I was really excited about this and told Camila we could make a cake in the form of anything we wanted. She LOVES dogs, so naturally we made a dog that looked just like one of the 6+ little critters that live in our yard. As if we needed another one. It was cute though, and it tasted pretty good. Orange pound cake with chocolate frosting.
The amphibian feet are not those of a real amphibian, but my feet. I don't think I qualify as an amphibian despite the fact that I love water. There is really no relation at all between my new shoes and amphibians, but since the first time I saw the Vibram Fivefinger Shoes I thought they looked like dinosaur/frog/lizard/monster feet. While the colors and styles have been updated (they were originally only available in army green, black and brown) they still look like monster feet. No question about it. I ordered the shoes because my running shoes we're about done and I really wanted to give the "barefoot" running thing a try. So far, I like them. The feeling of running almost barefoot is really freeing, although I feel like I am forgetting something when I step out for a run. It's a weird naked feeling at first, but after a little getting used to, it's cool. I've been out a few times in them and feel like I've mastered going up hills in them, but going down I still feel like a duck who doesn't quite know how to use her flipper feet.
1st week of June Pictures
 |
| An traditionally painted oxen cart. My town claims to be the birthplace of the cart, I'm not clear on whether that's just in Costa Rica or the world. |
 |
| The dog cake my little sister, Camila, and I made. His name was Coco, sadly he has been laid to rest in our stomachs. |
 |
| Saturday morning sunrise, coffee and a magazine on the front porch. Wonderful. |
 |
| Five finger shoes, a.k.a. amphibian feet |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)